The Train That Never Stops

I don’t how long I’ve been on this train, but I do know I woke up here one day without any recollection of how. The first thing I noticed was that there were no doors; not to the outside, not to another car. When I made a fuss, yelling for the conductor, none of the other passengers even batted an eye towards me.

It’s not so bad. The blue fabric seats are comfortable and the leg-room is gracious. There’s a porter who does his rounds and brings cold water and iced tea and coffee, but I’ve never seen where he comes from, he always appears behind my shoulder,

“Anything to drink, sir?”

And every time I’ve tried to talk to the other passengers they meet me with a smile, a nod, and then they look back to whatever had their attention before. Even explicit questions like,

“Where are you headed?”

“Where did you depart from?”

“What is your name?”

I haven’t heard anyone mutter a single word. But I can see the couples and groups mumbling to each other. So, I used the porter as a wall to hide myself behind a mother and her son. I placed my ear in the crevice between their two seats,

“Dfninfisenf,” the son said.

“Fnnmsmsmsa,” the mother said.

What! This isn’t even English, and for that matter, this is unlike any language I’ve ever heard spoken.

I used the porter again and hid behind an old couple and listened,

“Fsjfhsj,” the old lady said.

“Sjdhfds,” said the old man.

I sat down in my seat and placed my hand on my brow. What in the Tower of Babel is this? This is no ordinary train.

So I devised a plan to get off. Since there were no doors, my only possible exit was through the window. I unlatched the window next to my seat, and the air roared through the car. I pushed my hair back, and when I looked back at all the passengers no one was paying any mind to me. I pulled air into my stomach and yelled,

“TO WHOEVER IS LISTENING: IF THIS TRAIN DOESN'T STOP RIGHT NOW, I WILL JUMP OUT OF THIS WINDOW!”

Nobody moved, so I began to make my exit. When my torso was halfway out into the open air I heard the metal brakes screeching and the train vibrating to a slow roll. I came back in from the window, proud of my conviction, and looked around the car. Everyone was still sitting, and the porter was now standing beside my seat when he turned and said,

“Sir, the other passengers are worried about you. Will you please take a seat?”

I sat down, and the train started to pick up speed again.